Lessons Learned from an Allergy Boy

Tags

Food Allergies, Anaphylaxis

My allergy boy is 5. He started grade one this year.

Starting grade one meant sorting through some details that weren’t an issue in kindergarten. Like eating lunch in the lunch room, navigating pizza days and making sure he’s safe on field trips.

It’s gone fairly well. The school administration has been very willing to work with me. Still, there have been a few bumps along the way. I charge ahead, trying to hit the right balance, trying to keep him safe, while managing my own anxiety, trying to make sure he feels included and making his life as normal as I can.

I spend a lot of time thinking about allergies; new recipes and ways to include him in things others take for granted. I try, try, try SO hard to work with the school in a productive and positive way; to present suggestions and solutions instead of simply voicing complaints. I read policies and take action rather than leave it all in someone else’s hand.

For example, I was feeling anxious about the lunch room. My son is allergic to dairy in all forms, eggs, tree nuts and bananas. He is, literally, surrounded by his allergens at lunch time. There are hundreds of kids in the lunchroom and four lunch supervisors. How would the lunch supervisors know what my boy is allergic to? How would they even remember that he is one of the allergy kids? Would they remember what to do if there was an emergency? How could we post his anaphylaxis plan during lunch (the gym is the lunch room)?

I came up with an allergy place mat. I emailed it to my local Staples, had it printed on ledger size paper (11 x 17) in colour, attached a copy of his Emergency Anaphylaxis Plan to the back of it, and had it laminated. It cost me less than $10.

The administration liked the idea so much they had me email them a copy so that they could make one for all the allergy kids.

See? Positive, right? Productive, right? That’s how I roll … or at least, that is my goal. (Sometimes my emotions and anxieties get in the way.)

Despite my efforts and the best intentions of the school, sometimes I feel like we fail my poor allergy boy. Like how a couple of weeks ago, every kid in the class – except my boy and another girl that’s allergic to dairy – got hot chocolate. My boy told me “Everyone had hot chocolate today.” On the inside I momentarily panic, I can feel the anxiety building inside me. “What did you have?” I ask calmly. “I had water” he tells me. And that, right there, is my heart breaking. “When we get home, can I have hot chocolate?” he asks me. “Yes, of course.” I say. Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes.

A week later, I find out 5 minutes before it’s about to happen that the kids are going for a walk to some local shops as they learn about Diwali. They’re going to sample some samosas and treats. (Again: anxiety and fear creep up in me.) I try to be cool, “so, um … what about the allergy kids?” Never mind, they decide not to get the treats after all. And the allergy mum ruins the fun again.

I make phone calls, I send emails. I feel like I am begging … pleading: please, if I just knew ahead of time I could find something safe for him; a way for him to be included in the celebrations involving food – without cancelling everything.

*sigh*

At times this all weighs heavily on me. I get frustrated and discouraged. I just want to cry and stomp my feet and pull him out of school. But ultimately, who would suffer? My poor allergy boy.

Chin up. I tell myself. It’s all worth it. Of course it is. I do it all willingly. I would do all of it and more. What wouldn’t any parent do for the safety and happiness of their kids?

I hope that he never knows, though. The anxiety every time he tells me his doesn’t feel well or his ears are itchy (which, oddly enough, is fairly regularly). The frustration I feel when I run into roadblocks. The time spent reading, knowing allergy policies like the back of my hand; trying new recipes, testing new ingredients, searching the internet for safe recipes; talking to teachers and administration, working through the issues, smoothing over the bumps, making place mats. I hope he never knows how hard it is sometimes.

In a weird kind of way, his allergies have taught us many lessons and introduced us to different things. They are what led us to discover things like vegan orange cake (the BEST cake ever!), dairy-free ice cream cake, coconut milk (yummy, creamy coconut milk) and kettle corn.

Those pain-in-the-ass allergies are helping us teach our kids about acceptance, differences, compassion and responsibility.

The frustrating, anxiety-causing allergies are forcing me to work on my own fears of public speaking, my patience, my ability to work with people and making me tough it out when I just want to run away.

I hope, beyond hope, that my allergy boy grows up feeling normal, loved and included. That he embraces his allergies as a unique and special part of him. That he doesn’t think of his life in terms of things he missed. And I hope that he will one day know how important the lessons are that he helped us learn.

Click on the place mat image to download the word version and make your own. Feel free to share!

Dairy-Free Ice Cream Cake

• 1/3 cup diary free margarine, melted (I used Earth Balance buttery flavour spread.)
• 1 1/4 cups dairy free baking crumbs (I used Oreo baking crumbs, but any dairy-free cookie crushed up would work. To crush cookies, put them in a Ziploc bag and roll them with a rolling pin.)
• about 4 cups dairy free ice cream (I used So Delicious Vanilla Bean Coconut Milk ice cream.)
• cookies, sprinkles, chocolate chips, etc. to decorate (optional) (I used Oreo cookies)

Let the ice cream sit at room temperature for about 15 – 20 minutes, or until it becomes soft.

Melt the margarine and combine in with cookie crumbs. Press the mixture into a pie plate. Freeze for at least 15 minutes.

Spread about half of the ice cream in the pie plate being careful not to mess up the cookie crumb crust. If you’re using cookies, you can lean them up against the edge of the pie plate all around. You can also sprinkle in some chocolate chips, more cookie crumbs or whatever else you want to use. Freeze for at least 15 minutes.

Scoop on the remaining ice cream and top it with sprinkles, cookies, chocolate chips or whatever else! Freeze until you’re ready to serve.

For a Change, it’s all about ME

Between December 2001 and October 2007 I had four kids. Mr. Family Nature and I refer to those years as our baby-makin’-years. Those years were a lot of fun – lots of coos, baby laughs, first steps and first words, nursing babes, and all the other good stuff that comes along with having a baby in the house.

They were also very tired times – sleepless nights, teething, diapers, sometimes going days without a shower (and not even caring) and almost never going out anywhere other than the park or school.

These are not complaints. They are simply facts. They are the way things were at the time. I accepted that that these were the baby-makin’-years and I lowered my personal standards. Often basic hygiene was all I could manage. I sort of … neglected myself.

It wasn’t just me that was neglected. It was lots of other things in our life. Mr. FN took a lot of time off work. Four c-sections meant a long recovery each time. And when you’re self-employed, if you don’t work, you don’t get paid.

It was fine; we managed to get by knowing that after the baby-makin’-years were over and Mr. FN could focus more on work, that we’d be able to live a bit more comfortably. No complaints, it was the way things were.

Our house was also neglected. Piles of laundry (which still curse me today), dust bunnies under the beds and bed sheets we couldn’t remember when last they were washed. It was all fine. We knew it wouldn’t be like that forever.

Now that Sister is about to start JK, people keep asking me, “What are you going to do with yourself‽” Sister will only be going to school in the mornings (our school doesn’t yet have full-day kindergarten – which is fine by me) so that means I’ll only have a couple of hours in the morning. I know what I’ll do with myself. And it’s not all that exciting.

I’m going to raise my standards.

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last ten years lowering my standards and lowering my expectations. For the most part, in a good way. But I’m ready to raise some of them again. I’ve made a commitment to myself recently. As in, I am committed to take better care of myself. ‘Cause you know, I’m not getting any younger – and it’s just time.

So, what will I be doing with myself once Sister starts JK? While I have these great dreams of getting the house more in order or organizing the basement, you’ll probably more often find me at the gym. Or at the coffee shop near the kids’ school, blogging. Or maybe even getting a pedicure. I’ll be spending those two hours in the morning just having some time to myself – to take care of me.

The Corn is Taller than I am

Tags

corn, Gardening

The EpiPen: Long-Time Owner, First Time User

Tags

Anaphylaxis, Dairy Allergy, epipenn, Food Allergies

On Saturday, I went to Anaphylaxis Canada’s annual conference. I came away from it with some new and interesting information, freshly reminded of how serious allergic reactions can be. I fully planned on (and still am) blogging about the conference. I spent the first half of the day thinking about what I’d write on my blog. That conference blog post, however, was pushed aside so that I could write this one.

In a strange bit of irony, the second half of my day was spent administering an EpiPen for the first time in my life, and dealing with the aftermath of an anaphylactic reaction.

First and foremost, let me say that everything is fine. My number 3, five year old son, had an allergic reaction today. He is allergic to dairy, eggs, bananas and tree nuts. He is home now and for the most part, seems relatively unscathed.

The EpiPen did what it was supposed to do. I didn’t wait until he was in respiratory distress and he was conscious and aware of what was going on at all times. The situation was serious, but under control. Paramedics arrived fairly quickly and he was transported to hospital without any trouble.

I’m not even sure what he reacted to. I suspect that he somehow ingested the cow’s milk that his sister was drinking, but I’m not sure. I saved the packaging from everything that I could remember he’d eaten today. Tomorrow I will call all the companies to see if anything he’d eaten could have been cross-contaminated or if there could have possibly been some undeclared allergens present.

Here’s what happened: we were getting ready for lunch. I had it served on plates and we were about to eat. The kids had eaten some marshmallow candies a little earlier, plus they’d had some juice and other snacks. Number 3 first started complaining about his back being itchy. Any time he says he’s itchy, I take note. I checked over his back and didn’t see anything but the slightest bit of redness. I thought it was from him scratching.

He continued to complain of itchiness and I checked his back a few times – not much was there. I checked his mouth and tongue, and it all looked normal. I thought maybe he had some dry skin. After he continued to complain, I suggested we put some cream on his back. The only cream I could find was one scented with lavender essential oil. I worried that it might irritate his skin but it was all that I could find and the itchiness was starting to drive him crazy. He had also been wheezing and coughing a little and so I gave him some ventolin.

He started complaining of his ears being itchy and I started to think that something was going on. At this point his back was quite red and I thought the cream was irritating him. I thought if he had a bath, it might settle the itching down. I really started to think that something wasn’t right so I decided to give him Benadryl just in case. I figured it couldn’t hurt and I thought it might help with whatever was making his back so itchy.

He and Sister happily climbed into the tub and I rinsed his back and tummy to get all the cream off. As I was doing this, I noticed that hives were coming out on his back. And his back was bright red in areas that he couldn’t have possibly reached and scratched. Then he said his throat was itchy. It was at this point that I knew it was an allergic reaction and I knew that it was pretty serious.

Let me pause the story for a minute to tell you what was going through my head. I know that an anaphylactic reaction is a reaction that involves two or more body systems. Anaphylactic reactions are the ones that can be deadly. Once a life threatening allergic reaction starts, there is a point of no return. There is a point at which no amount of epinephrine, steroids, or any treatment can stop a reaction. The key with anaphylaxis is to administer an EpiPen as soon as there are signs of an anaphylactic reaction. When there are anaphylactic deaths, it is usually because an EpiPen was administered too late or not at all.

At the anaphylaxis conference on the weekend I listened to a speaker talk about a study in which severe anaphylactic reactions were studied. In all the cases where there was a death, the EpiPen had either not been administered, or had been administered more than 30 minutes after the onset of symptoms. Cases where people had severe reactions and survived, all had been given the EpiPen within 30 minutes of symptoms. Another thing discussed at the conference is how common it is for people to hesitate giving the EpiPen and other reasons that administration might be delayed.

One final thought that was going through my mind was this: Number 3 had had an anaphylactic reaction once before. He was about two and he’d eaten a handful of banana. He experienced wheezing, sneezing, vomiting and hives. He ended up being okay and it wasn’t until after the fact that we’d realized that it was an anaphylactic reaction and that we should have administered the EpiPen. Mr. FamilyNature and I said that if he ever had a reaction like that again, we would give the EpiPen, without a doubt. We knew that we’d dodged a bullet that day and we were not going to make the same mistake again.

So back to today, I called Mr. FN and told him what was happening. I blurted out that it was two body systems and that I was going to call 911. Mr. FN said he was on his way home. Now even at this point, after all this going through my head, and knowing that I should give the EpiPen, I hesitated. I called 911 first.

Naturally the 911 operator told me I had to give the EpiPen. She said, “Based on what you’ve told me, you have to give him the EpiPen NOW.” She was great; very calm and patient but her voice was firm. I tried to keep my composure as I ran to get an EpiPen out of my purse.

I told Number 3 that I had to give him the EpiPen. I was trying my very best to be calm and strong but I had tears in my eyes and I knew he could hear my voice cracking. He starting whimpering quietly and asked “is it going to hurt?” I told him that it would hurt for a minute but that he needed the medicine.

I put him in my lap and gave him the pen. He screamed. Sister screamed. I was trying to keep it together and keep everyone calm. I held him and rubbed his thigh and told him over and over again that I was sorry. He cried and cried.

After a few minutes the paramedics arrived. By this time the hives were going down (man, that EpiPen works fast!) and he and Sister had calmed down a bit. The paramedics were wonderful; they came in and assessed the situation quickly. He was a bit wheezy but was okay. He was still really scared, shivering (still naked with a towel wrapped around him from the bath) and his leg was sore from the EpiPen.

Mr. FN arrived home a few minutes later and he rode in the ambulance with Number 3 to the hospital.

At the hospital, he was assessed and then kept for about 5 hours. Everyone who talked to Mr. FN told him that we did the right thing. The EpiPen was the right thing to do.

They gave my little boy pediapred (a steroid) and a long-lasting antihistamine. He was released with a prescription for a 4 day course of pediapred and instructions to watch him carefully.

He’s in bed now. We’re all a little shaken, but we’re okay. Stay tuned for more on this and my thoughts on the Anaphylaxis Conference.

Special thanks to everyone who has called, emailed or facebooked me. Your thoughts and kind words mean a lot. xoxo

Photo by Hopkinsii via flickr.

Too Much?

Tags

Gardening, Vegetable Gardening

I admitted last year that I’d never really had much of an interest in gardening. That is, until we moved into this house. Last year we had our first real vegetable garden and now I’m totally hooked.

Today Moonie and I went out to get a few planting supplies. There are a few more things I want to plant.

Ahem.

Here is our current indoor garden. Many of these are sprouting:

This is our outdoor garden, freshly turned and ready for planting:

Today I got this:

Yes, that tray holds 72 (and I resisted the urge to buy two). Because these are all the seeds I still want to plant:

Too much? I can feel Mr. FamilyNature rolling his eyes. Not because he isn’t excited about the garden, but because I know he’s wondering where the frack we’ll put everything.

Don’t worry honey, we’ll find a way to squeeze it all in.

Garden 2011

Tags

crocuses, Gardening, vegetable gardeing

It looks like spring is finally here. It’s warming up, the ground is drying up and my front garden is full of lovely, yellow (and a few purple) crocuses. My 9 year old says they smell like honey.

Last year we had our first real vegetable garden. It was small and we made a couple of mistakes but as soon as the garden started flourishing we knew we’d do it again next year. As we tended to the garden, and as we ate fresh veggies from our garden almost every day, we talked about next year’s garden; what we’d plant and what we’d do differently.

We planted our plants way too close together last year. Not only did things get overcrowded but it also meant that lots of vegetables went to waste because we just couldn’t see them until they had fallen down and were rotting on the ground. We also have just come to the sad realization that butternut squash and pumpkin just don’t do well in our garden. I think we will try to plant a few again this year but we won’t get our hopes up.

I’ve been assembling supplies for this year’s vegetable garden since last year. Toward the end of the summer, I got a great deal on an Organic Seed Grab Bag from Cubit’s Organics on Etsy (I like Cubit’s – a fellow GTAer – check out their Facebook page and their blog). I also got a couple of neat striped garden bag pots from IKEA for next to nothing at the end of the season. Along with my grab bag from Cubit’s we also had some seeds left over from last year’s planting plus, we dried a few green beans and have some of our own seeds to plant this year.

My grade 4 son made newspaper pots at school and with this handy you tube video. We were able to make some at home too. They kind of fell apart when we added soil and water (less water next time) but it was a fun experiment.

We have a little greenhouse from last year so I just had to buy a small box of peat pods. We have various other random gardening supplies that we have collected. Last year we mostly used seedlings in the garden, this year we’re starting from scratch.

Last weekend, I assembled everything together on the dining room table and we planted a bunch of seeds for what will eventually be our garden. I had visions of it being a lovely family afternoon. It was fine and the kids had fun but the truth is, I was ready to pull my hair out by the end of it. Dirt everywhere and kids fighting over who got to plant/water/whatever. At the end our little project I was on my own (which was okay).

We planted lettuce, sage, two kinds of basil, green peppers, habanero peppers, eggplant, yellow pear tomatoes and some forget-me-nots. So far, only the lettuce have sprouted. You can follow my garden here.

Mr. FamilyNature prepared our garden outside today. We’re making our garden twice as big as last year so he dug up some grass, turned the soil and added compost (which we got free from the city at one of the Community Environment Days). It’s ready to go. Eventually, we’ll plant beans, carrots, rainbow chard, red chilli peppers, beets, different kids of tomatoes and much more.

Stay tuned for pictures and updates of this year’s garden!

 

Politics Schmolitics

Tags

canadian politics, politics

Politics. I hate politics. Why am I writing a blog post on politics then? Well, I guess it’s just on my mind.

With the announcement of the May 2^nd election less than a week behind us, it’s already started: the trash talking, name-calling, insult-spewing election campaign. Unfortunately, it’s doesn’t end with the politicians themselves. The internet is a-twitter – literally. With Twitter, Facebook, Blogs and the like, it seems to be all us Canadian folk are talking about.

I guess it’s just not something that I get all that worked up about. I don’t think the sky is falling with our current leader. I don’t think the sky would fall if any of the other party leaders became our Prime Minister. Maybe I should care more. But I don’t. And it’s not because I don’t care about the issues – I do! But to be completely honest, I don’t think there would be any measurable difference either in my life, or in the lives of most people I know if power changed hands; or even if it stayed the same, for that matter.

The thing is, I would be more interested in politics if it wasn’t always such a blood bath. We all get so bogged down with nonsensical hogwash I think we actually lose sight of what the issues are. So for the most part, I just stay as far away from politics as I can.

But then (and here is part 2 of the blog post) … I can’t seem to get away from it. It’s everywhere. And here’s my dirty little secret: my husband, the father of my children; yes, Mr. FamilyNature himself is a card carrying Conservative.

There. I said it.

Shocking, isn’t it? People are always surprised when they find out. (Actually, his membership expired a while ago, but still, you get the point.) And guess what else? He’s a nice guy, an AP Dad, a committed husband and all-around good citizen. He helps strangers change their tires, he’ll help push you out of a snow bank and he’ll buy you a coffee if you’re short on change. He’s not evil, or lizard-like. He doesn’t hate women, he isn’t anti-abortion and he’s not anti-gay. He’s even (are you sitting down?) PRO gay marriage.

I can’t help but wonder what people think when they hear that Mr. FN is conservative-minded. Do they make judgements about him? About me? I guess I’m kind of hesitant to tell people. Most people I know are not conservative supporters. In fact, I’d say, that most people I know are conservative-haters. Do they hate all conservatives, or just our evil leader?

Maybe this is silly, but it sort of seems like when people insult a party, or a leader, it’s also kind of a dig to the people who vote for them. “How could a person possibly vote for [enter party name here]?!” or when they refer to a certain party leader as “alien” or “cold-blooded” or “evil” or whatever, it kind of feels – a teeny-tiny bit – like they are also insulting those who might support said leader.

I suppose I’m opening a can of worms here. I actually don’t want to talk actual politics. I do not want to start a debate. For me, this post isn’t about a particular party. I guess what I’m saying is: can’t we all just get along? Can we all please try to remember, that there are living, breathing, human beings that vote for every party? And while debate and differing opinions are important — necessary, even. I think there’s a way to do it without implying that everyone who doesn’t feel the same way as you is an idiot.

Grandparents

Tags

ancestry, family tree

A few weeks ago, my good friend MoneyGal posted on Facebook asking her friends to comment with their grandparents’ names. She wanted to see if the names from long ago were “in style” or out of style now. There were a whopping 55 comments and I loved, loved, loved reading them. So I am totally stealing the idea.

Related to this, I have just started looking into my and Mr. FamilyNature’s family trees. I didn’t know all of my grandparents’ names when I posted on MoneyGal’s wall, but I do now. Over the past few days I have loved seeing a bit of my family history, learned a few really interesting – and even some scandalous for their time – tidbits, and connected with a couple of long-lost cousins.

I don’t ask much of you, dear readers, do I? I would love it if you would comment below with the given names of your grandparents.

My grandparents were Maureen Monica & Donald Lee and Mildred Viola & Charles Henry.

Mr FamilyNature’s grandparents were Basil Emerson & Julia Helen and Lawrence Joseph & Margaret Mary.

Am I a Bad Feminist?

Tags

feminism, mothering and feminism, Parenting, SAHM

I have wanted to write a blog post about feminism for two years now. I’ve started and stopped posts on feminism so many times – it never really seems to come out quite right. I think that’s because I can’t seem to figure out exactly how I feel about feminism.

I can easily put into words my thoughts on feminism. When I think of feminism, I think of choice, power, strength, equality, freedom and respect. I think that feminism is about having choices and having the freedom to make those choices without being penalized. It this definition a bit idealistic? Perhaps. Too simplistic? Maybe. Nonetheless, this is my kind of feminism. And this is the kind of feminist I am.

Things go sideways for me because feminism also makes me think of hairy legs, bra burning and man-bashing. It also makes me think of anger, spite and judgement. There are some really angry, judgemental, awful people who call themselves feminists out there and I don’t want to associate myself with them in any way, shape or form.

Some of these angry people think I can’t be a feminist because I’m a stay-at-home-mum (SAHM). Some people think you can only be a feminist if you and your partner do exactly the same amount of work around the house. You do a sock more laundry than your partner? Oh well, that’s it, your partner is an oppressive Neanderthal and you’re a loser, under his control, waiting on him hand and foot – catering to his every need.

I read once that you can only be a stay-at-home-mum and a feminist if you could potentially make as much as your partner and/or support your family financially if the need ever arose. Ya, that’s right, poor, uneducated women can’t possibly be feminists. Do you earn less than your partner? Too bad for you — you’re not a feminist.

Still others imply that if I’m a SAHM, it is because I’m too stupid to realize that I’m under my husband’s grasp – that I only think I want to be a SAHM – if I were smarter, I’d realize that I’m being brainwashed into believing that I am living the life I want to lead. Or along the same lines, some think that I’m a SAHM because I don’t have the education or skills to get a job.

But wait just a minute here. Feminism is about freedom, choices and equality – but there are strict conditions under which you may/may not call yourself a feminist – does that make any sense? Do you want to know the funny thing about it? I never really considered myself a feminist until people started telling me, that because of my choices, I wasn’t one.

I am a SAHM, caring for the children, doing house work, cooking most of the meals and doing what many would see as the stereotypical “women’s” role. I also never take out the garbage. Does that mean that I can’t be a feminist? Does it mean that I’m a bad feminist? Does it make any difference at all that this is what I want to be doing? Does it matter that my partner is a dedicated, involved Dad who does almost as much (or as much) housework as I do?

This is not about what is better for children or what is better for women, or families, or society. I don’t think that being at home with my kids makes me a better mum in the same way that I don’t think going back to work after kids make someone a better feminist. This is about having choices available to women. This is about doing what I think is best for me.

For me, staying at home with my kids is a conscious choice that I made.  It came with some sacrifices but this is what I’ve always wanted to do and this is exactly what I want to be doing right now.

For me, this is where my instincts as a woman and as a mother have guided me. If I’d gone back to work, it would have meant me denying or ignoring my wants and needs — that doesn’t seem very feminist-like.

What, exactly, does being a SAHM, who shaves her legs, does laundry and cares for children make me? I have no idea what anyone else thinks but I’m going to say that it makes me a feminist.

What comes to mind when you think of feminism? Do you consider yourself a feminist?